CEEAS | 2017 WORDS UNLOCKED HIGHLY COMMENDED POEM: I Am
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2017 WORDS UNLOCKED HIGHLY COMMENDED POEM: I Am

Poem: I Am

Facility: Copper Lake School for Girls, Wisconsin
Teacher: Dana Domitrovich
Poet: Abbigail

POEM TITLE: I Am

Just as the sun peaked in, I was caught in a peaceful slumber

 

My life was great! Never been better!

 

All of the sudden, at about 6:30 A.M.,

 

I felt his presence,

 

I remember specifically how his hands felt,

 

Every callous,

 

The warmth of his breath,

 

The words that he spoke,

 

And the emotions!

 

Confusion,

 

Anger,

 

Hatred,

 

Rejection,

 

Fear,

 

And the worst of them all,

 

The emptiness I felt in my heart.

 

 

The feeling that I was alone in all this,

 

“This kind of thing don’t happen around here!”

 

The feeling of being invaded,

 

Bombarded,

 

Violated,

 

Compromised,

 

Because he put a mark on me that I won’t ever be able to scrub away

 

 

I eventually had to go to school,

 

All alone,

 

No one to talk to,

 

No one to understand,

 

So I just had to get through it on my own.

 

With no one to hold my hand

 

Or to guide me through the confusion.

 

What does an 11 year old girl do with all these confusing thoughts and emotions?

 

The terrifying confusion?

 

With every night I lay awake,

 

Thinking about what I could’ve done to stop it,

 

To prevent it.

 

“If I would’ve screamed…”

 

“If I would’ve been brave…”

 

“If I would’ve kicked and fought back…”

 

But the realization flooded my mind.

 

“I can’t go back in time.”

 

“I was afraid.”

 

So I figured that maybe if I forgot, then I couldn’t worry.

 

So that’s just what I did.

 

 

I went into a state of depression…

 

It felt like a hole that I just couldn’t get out of

 

As many times as I tried, I always seemed to fail.

 

I started to place scars on my body

 

The slashes,

 

The blood,

 

The burn,

 

But what I really was chasing was that sense of relief.

 

The adrenaline…

 

I drank,

 

I smoked,

 

I popped pills,

 

But nothing worked…

 

 

I then realized that I had to start opening up.

 

So I slowly started confiding in my best friend.

 

Every day I could feel my self morphing,

 

I felt that same relief,

 

I felt happy,

 

Optimistic,

 

Invincible.

 

Nothing could stop me!

 

I started going to church,

 

Praying,

 

Forgiving,

 

And built a relationship with the Lord.

 

 

I learned that I wasn’t angry at the person at fault,

 

I was angry at his disturbing actions.

 

I make mistakes,

 

And I also pay for them.

 

Well, same with him.

 

My past had changed me,

 

But I refuse to let it define me.

 

I am strong,

 

I am beautiful,

 

I am capable,

 

I am forgiving,

 

I am brave,

 

And most importantly,

 

I am worth so much more than one person’s mistake.